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Tag Archives: love

A memory lost

29 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse, jinxed rhymes

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Tags

dystopia, imagination, Jim Morrison, last kiss, loss, love, memory, pearl jam

last kiss

“And I can’t be holding on,
To what you got,
When all you got is hurt.”

He listened to Bono play over the Radio. It was a daily ritual, to listen to the radio while he drove from work. He didn’t like when he was alone with his thoughts. He thought them to be too dangerous for his own well-being. But somehow, today, he couldn’t let go of the lines. There was something about them, something which reminded him of a distant memory, but he couldn’t recollect. He needed a smoke real bad.

He parked his car on the sideway, right in front of the NO STOPPING ON FREEWAY sign, cursing his stubbornness in refusing to buy lighters. He thought the persons who used them were show pony, and, well, that sound that you get when you light up a match. Oh my! Listening to the crisp sound of the head against the rough surface and the fire which resulted in the innocuous act always gave him a certain satisfaction. He parted his lips to kiss the cigarette and took a long drag. The kind you take when you feel a little anxious. Or a little nervous. Or a little hyper. You get the gist.

The first train of thoughts hit him as soon as he is done exhaling the first drag. He cannot decipher the meaning, but he feels he is getting there. But the thing with thoughts is they never travel the direction you want them to, they took him to the teachings of one Jim Morrison whom he loved and admired. What a talent, he thought. A poet, a philosopher. Would have been good friends, they, he mused as he neared the end of the smoke. “Damnit ! what the fuck was I thinking of stopping in the middle of this highway”, he thought. He held the butt of one to light up another cigarette, the weather was just adorable at the time. His affection with the weather was somewhat recent. He tried to figure out when did he actually started listening to the language of nature.

It was shady at best, but he could connect the dots now. A sense of dread, a sense of loss. This was accompanied by the flashed of happiness and feelings. He couldn’t remember why- he knew he was missing something! “Can you bury something so deep in your mind that you cannot, for the love of it, remember what it was? Can a memory be so powerful that your mind decides that you would be better off it? If it does, where does the conscience lie? Are you the same person as before? Or something has been changing inside you, and you don’t know. Where the fuck do you go when the tears dry up, where do you run to when you are running from yourself? Where does it finally stop?”

The screeching tires of the truck ahead brought him back to reality. The bursting glass of his car reminded him of what he had lost. The painful scream rang his ears once again and he laughed. He was going to her.

P.S : This is, in yours truly’s imagination, the story of boy years after the car crash in the song, The Last Kiss, by Pearl Jam.

Memories. Change. You.

19 Monday Aug 2013

Posted by daakusaxena in bark!

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

cough, flutter, love, memories, mental peace

Memories_change_you

…..Memories are funny little things. They come around when you are least expecting them to intrude, and like the house guests who just wouldn’t leave, they stay. They make your personal space their home and feast on what you call as ‘your mental peace’. They creep inside your closely guarded defenses, cause havoc and leave you vulnerable in their wake. They make you question the decisions you’ve made, they make you ponder on what could have been. In the end, they change you.

I used to believe people change for two reasons. Either they have learnt a lot from their past or been hurt too many a times. I might have been wrong. There might be a third kind. Whenever you fall in love, you change.
Change is tough! It implores you to test unforeseen spaces. You are afraid to fall if you walk, but the rule of the land demands you to run. You have to accept the change, you have to embrace it. You have to forget to remember forgetting. For is it possible to forget someone who has given you so much to remember?

And I still remember everything about you. I remember the tiny sound you make when you disapprove of something. I remember you fretting about what might appear to be the most uninteresting thing in the universe and keep pondering about it. I still can recite the songs which I started listening to just because you liked them. I remember almost everything there is to remember, and more than anything I remember your smile. How I melted in the past whenever you walked past flaunting that smile. How that smile can still melt me as I imagine it in my mind. Sometimes all you need in the world is someone who can make you smile.

Every few days I arrive at this particular junction. I have had partners before and I have had after, but every single one seems as meaningless as the one before and the only thought I have as I get close is to run away. As fast as possible, as far as the imagination stretches. How can I ever learn to let go when I didn’t have a chance to hold you for a while? How can I ever blame you when you never promised anything? How can I ever forget you when I don’t want you to go? The child refuses to grow, the dream refuses to go – can I ever be- comfortably numb?

I knew that you were something special the moment I saw you. I never really wanted to fall for you because in the back of my mind, I knew it was the perfect recipe for disaster. But how can you control something which cannot be tamed? How can you fight something which already knows the exact points you falter at? You were always the magician, and I was under your spell before I knew it. The funny thing about the spell is, it gets me started whenever I wish to end. It brings around the memories. As you know, memories are funny little things. They come around when you are least expecting them to intrude, and like those house guests who just wouldn’t…..

(Fuck me. I am going mad.)

Just Breathe

10 Friday May 2013

Posted by daakusaxena in jinxed rhymes

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Tags

life, love, peace

countdown

God ! I wish I could cry,
Let the tears flow by,
Outpour the feelings,
The anger that’s inside.

I always thought that tears have power,
They heal,
They mend the fissures,
The bonds which stand weak.

Let me try and save the world,
It is a dark black place,
Or has it been the same ever?
Violence is encouraged,
A man not replying back is a wimp,
When can we learn,
Grow up!
Live in our little own worlds,
We’ve made for each other?

Everyday we die a little,
The clock has always been ticking,
Ever since we were born.
Each morning signifies a day less,
Every night a grim reminder of,
What life is and could have been.

We drink, we smoke,
We inject, we snort.
Get out of the normal state, if you may,
When did that ever become a pre requisite,
Of time well spent.

The sound of silence haunts,
And we fight over having the last laugh.
A light too bright,
scares,
and we try to drown ourselves,
in the darkness evermore.

When can we live,
When can we learn?
The precious lessons life tends,
To throw at time again.
When can we listen,
When can we see?
To love,
To just breathe.

The one that got away

26 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse, bark!

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

charade, drama, dreams, love, relationships


People say that it will get better. People say that things will change. They promise a lot. They paint a rosy picture in your head.

They lie.

You can do it, you can have the empire, without realizing that it is of dirt. You can play with it for a while, make a palace out of sand. And when rain comes, watch it crumble, try to save it knowing that there is nothing you can do.

You can also remember all the moments you were a split second late, the decisions you took too long to take, the memories you couldn’t make. Nothing blows as a candle in the wind. Nothing stays like an amorphous anathema. When your victories are your own, why does it become so hard to accept defeat as your own wayward child- which you nurtured but somewhere, something went wrong?

What is it that makes you afraid? What is it that you’re haunted of? Are you so afraid of rejection that you have accepted it, getting along with your life like it matters not? For how long do you think that you can carry on this charade?

You cannot ever find the time to do all the nothing that you want. Go watch a movie, go listen to a song, sing a melody, try to be happy. Try to discover the heart that seems lost. Indulge it, again. Be prepared to get it broken. If it does, and in all probability, it will, start afresh.
Fall in love. Anything will do. As long as it serves an inspiration to the fear that it will go away, keeping you on your toes, alert, for the storms to come.

It will get better. Things, they will change. I promise you. Do cry, but when the tears dry, come to your senses, over the one that got away.

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