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~ an attempt at a frivolous escapade with words.

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Author Archives: daakusaxena

sacchai (Hindi)

22 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in jinxed rhymes

≈ 11 Comments

author’s note: read it aloud for the effect to kick in. have written it that way. thanks for stopping by. 🙂

—

hota hai.
kucch khota hai.
kucch kareeb se guzar jaata hai.
kucch paas hoke nazar nahin aata.

chalta hai.
saala samay pal pal ke hisaab se badhta hai.
kucch sawaal ye humse karta hai.
kucch sawaal hum isse kurte hain.
ek doosre se phir mooh pher,
roothe hue chalte hain.

sambhalta hai.
jawaabon ka saamna kurne se darr lagta hai.
akele baith hum sochte hain.
khud se baatein bolte hain.
phir unhi alfaazon se ghabraate hain.
jaane kis se darr, hum sehem jaate hain.

nahin hota.
nahin chalta.
nahin sambhalta.
kyun hum isse samajh nahin paate.
ek sipaahi ke peeche hum apni raani ganwaate hain.

kyun hum ye jhooth jeete hain.
roz zeher ki do boond peete hain.

iss dil aur dimaag ki kashmakash mein.
hum dil ka saath kyun chodh dete hain.
hum iss dil se bhaagte hain.
aur ye dil humein khud se bhagaata hai.

hota hai.
kucch khota hai.
dagmaate hue, in lehron pe badhta hai.
girte-girte sambhalkar,
chalta hai.
hota hai.
kucch khota hai.

(in)shackles

20 Tuesday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in jinxed rhymes

≈ 4 Comments

When the music dies,
When the songbirds cry,
When the pathos of our existence,
Flash before the very eyes.

When the lovers part,
When the separation haunts,
When the meanings decode,
Can you face what you come to know?

When the light fades,
When the mirror breaks,
When the self obliviates,
Does the subjection help you subjugate?

When the clock hits nine,
When the need of whiskey turns more than the taste of wine,
When the past hits the present,
Where to the future shapes, the self beacons.

chocolates in the rain (Short Story)

12 Monday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse

≈ 12 Comments

Life is like walking in the rain. You can either get beneath a shade, or you can just get wet. And he loved walking in the rain. Infact, he had been doing so for the past many months now. And as the season was reaching its pinnacle, he wondered what will he do when they stop, if they do.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. And she loved surprises. She was used to them, the pampered little princess. She was born in wealth, raised in luxury, and lived life as it’s meant to be. Now that the business empire was crumbling, she wondered what will she do when it finally hits the rock bottom, if it does.

A life gets halfway around the world before truth has the chance to get its pants on. But here, their meeting was chance, the exchange of nervous glances an excuse and managing a simple greeting, courage. What started with a cup of coffee turned out to be an affair to remember.

Life is too short to rue missed chances. They knew, for both understood the way to live. The relationship was open, the repercussions absent and the chemistry, platonic. But can you control the emotions which creep on, the complexities which develop, the intricacies which magically appear?

Life is too dynamic to live by a single rule. Even if the rule is obeying no rules. What if love hits you the very instant you are trying hard not to believe in its existence? What if you try to despise love, and love becomes a solitary vice, eating the prevalent beliefs in your system?

At the end, does it all matter? At the end, is it at all worth plunging into?

For there he stood, with a box of chocolates. And. There she went, soaked in the rain.

aye dil (Hindi)

10 Saturday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in Hindi, jinxed rhymes

≈ 2 Comments

here goes the second post in Hindi. penning something down is much more challenging here!


aye dil, tu kyun majboor hota hai,
chaar ghoont daaru se chupke tu kyun sota hai.

badh chal tu iss sama mein,
dard baantne se itna kyun darta hai.

vehem nikaal de ki tu akela hai,
apni pehchaan tu khud se kyun khota hai.

aye dil, tu kyun udaas hota hai,
khushi ka mukhota daal maayus kyun hota hai.

jo nahin tha tera wo aaj bhi utna dur hai,
ponch le inn aankhon se nami ki hansi chupa le.

baadalon ke peeche chupkar,
tu kyun sawaal kurta hai,
baras jaa malhaar ke saath,
garaj jaa uspar jo tujhe udaas karta hai,
aye dil, tu kyun sawaal karta hai.

manzil pe pahunch ke bhi tu akela hai,
kya hai jo tu sabse chupa raha,
bol de jo aaj tere zehen mein hai,
tu inta kisse darta hai.

tod de wo zanzeerein,
alfaazon ko ugal de.
shabd naa mile to gam nahin,
apni aankhon se tu sab bayan kur de.

ki aaj bhi tu kyun rota hai,
sab paas ho tu majboor kyun hota hai.
khud ko aaine se door rakh,
chaar ghoont maar tu kyun sota hai,
aye dil, tu kyun majboor hota hai.

manzilein (Hindi)

08 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in Hindi, jinxed rhymes

≈ 7 Comments

First effort at Hindi. Wrote this just when I was done with Zindagi Milegi.. which as a movie, didn’t like much, but the poems were worth!


aarzo humein le aayi ye kahan,
manzilein nazar aati naa yahan.

kahan kho gaye hain hamare raaste,
sab kucch hai paas magar khud se door hain.

mehsoos karna seekh ehsaason ko bhool gaye,
neher mein kood, nadi ko tarashne lage.

chalna seekhne se pehle daudne lage hum,
jaagne se pehle sona seekhne lage.

kahan chale hain hum, kya hum talash rahe,
rasta haath lekar, manzilein kyun bhool gaye.

Die.

06 Tuesday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse

≈ 9 Comments

The rains haven’t yet reached this part of the world, but it’s damp nevertheless. The cell is devoid of light. Both the omnipresent form and what lies inside.

The inmates cannot sleep, for waking up has lost its purpose. They do not shout, they do not make a racket, they do not utter obscenities at the guards under the foul breath. The years inside have succeeded in making humans out of the monsters they were once. But does a person remain human if he has lost his spirit, the will to fight, the hope to smile?

He sits silently at the corner of his cell shared by three others. The smoke hasn’t left his lungs, he butts down a cigarette to light another. He has a date with The Chair tomorrow.

His cellmates are clueless to on what can be said. How can you comfort a twenty five year old who knows he will be dead in another couple of hours. How do you look at life when mighty death stares at you, inches from your face. ‘The boy’s will is strong’, they thought, ‘he hasn’t shed a single tear till now’.

The society had given up all hopes on them when it sent them here. But to him, it was a little more merciless. It had shunned him when he was a kid. Illegitimate, penniless and living in the gutters. He had no sense of relationships because the basics were denied. He had no sense of morals, for the society had forbidden itself to him. Like some others, he grew up surviving on petty thefts, oogling on the ‘goris‘, ‘beedis‘ and the occasional ‘pauwa‘. The voices told him it was all good.

But one day, she smiled! ‘That one, with her perfect round breasts, that curvy body, in THAT expensive car, she smiled at a piece of shit like me’, he thought. The voices in his head were very helpful, they were his only friend- his best friend. Here, they told him to follow the ‘memsaab‘.

Follow he did, but was left shameless and flabbergasted when she failed to recognize him. He couldn’t control the pain of the humiliation of the self, but the voices got him past that. The voices told him to wait for a chance. The voices told him to wait for the night.

He caught her unaware. His organ was hurting for the past two days, His loins pained from excitement as he pinned her down. She struggled, she tried to wriggle out, but couldn’t. He raped her, mercilessly, once, twice, thrice till the voices told him to let go.

He left her by the road like he had done the last time. “But why the fuck did she have to have the gun in the car!” He thought again and again. It was self-defense, the bullet had escaped his bald head somehow, but with the missed target, the girl lost her licence to live. The voices told him to end her, and he did, with his own bare hands.

The voices had long deserted the time police arrived. There, for the first time, he saw what he had done, took it all in, the mind was without his guiding light, his only friend, his best friend. But it felt calm.
—

He carried the same calm the next morning when he smoked his last cigarette. While walking to the chair, he once again remembered what the voices spoke before they went far away –
‘things have made you what you are. what you are will make you what you will become. don’t hide, they will hunt you. don’t run, they will catch you. don’t fight, they will hurt you. there is only one way out.”

The execution was tidy. He was dead before he knew it. Alone when he arrived and alone once again.

pen. sword. might. excuse me?

04 Sunday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in reviews

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

drama, Foucault, Kellerman, Marquez, Omega Minor, One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Pierre Riviere, Salman Rushdie, Satanic Verses, serial killer, The Butcher's Theatre, The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula, Verhaeghen

Okay. Here are some of the books I’ve read recently. You can check out some of the titles.

1. Omega Minor by Paul Verhaeghen.

This is by far, the best book I’ve ever read. I liked it more than Schindler’s List or any other novel on the background of Holocaust. The literature is so strong, it takes you places. The words used in the book compel you to contemplate, give a serious thought to what violence actually is, and how can you find love and life in the simplest of things. On reading something, if something inside you changes, the book more of less serves its purpose. And here, this one did for me. A must read, if you ask me.

2. The Butcher’s Theatre by Jonathan Kellerman. Fiction.

If you like serial killer stories, this is the one for you. It tries to capture the mind of a psycho, a serial killer who rapes and kills to satisfy his sadistic carnal desires. This book is heavy, mind you, and Kellerman delivers his best in this novel. He allows you to have a look at things form the point of view of the killer, and then a family-loving cop. It’s a thriller, but thankfully, Kellerman is no Dan Brown to (only)focus on adding unnecessary twists.

3. One Hundred Years Of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Fiction.

This is the book to read if you like drama and literature and are confident enough of remembering all the million interlinked characters of a single family. This one is a little slow at start, but when you get adjusted to its pace and the things it wants to convey, you would hate to keep it down for a second. It is a classic, and is meant to be read like a classic. period.

4. The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. Science-fiction.

This is rated as one of the best science fiction books of all times and though I am not that big a fan of the genre, I loved this book. When you start reading this book, you won’t stop, trust me. The literature, the choice of words, the basic theme of the book is plain brilliant. This book was suggested to me by Aditi Nath Sarkar Sir, and well, this is one must read for the science fiction lovers. (I read this last here, but had to include it in here!)

5. I, Pierre Riviere, having slaughtered my mother, my sister, and my brother by Michel Foucault. Non-fiction.

What Foucault has done here is he has written this book as a journal and left it at the reader to impart their own judgement to this man. He has the original notes of the murderer in the book as well as what the newspapers of the time reported, and the court sentences. You can read this if you want to look into the workings of a depraved misguided mind and try to have a glimpse on how it functions.

6. Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie.

Well. This man here is one of my favorite authors. What he writes just appeals to the eye and the mind. Somehow he manages to capture all the intricacies of human behavior and play with his characters like no other. He has done the same in this book. And well, this book is banned in India. Get a copy if possible, reading this book is a pure delight. 🙂

Dear Kathy and Baba,

03 Saturday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in bark!

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bunny, Pearly Gates, poop, rabbits, radiant peace, sleep

when you lazily blinked your eyes, it looked as if there is a radiant peace in this world, and it’s the question if you can catch it.

you kept frolicking from one place to another, and it reminded me of a childhood that was a playground in itself.

you played me every sign of indifference till one day i wake up to see you silently tucked in by my side, sound asleep.

the only job you did when you weren’t asleep is that you ate. when you didn’t eat, you pooped. after you pooped, you ate again. then you slept.

but when you could both fit in the palms of a person, it brought a smile.

you were such small kids. and it’s a heartbreak losing you to some stupid strange illness.

may you find the way to them Pearly Gates.

RIP

ticking clocks

01 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in jinxed rhymes

≈ 3 Comments

what transcends and what aspires,
of hopes, inhibitions, dreams and desires.

music has but failed in its course,
playing a sodomy, a vernacular intercourse.

disturbed thoughts, distorted dreams,
alive and kicking, a distant discourse.

what inspires and what deviates,
stuck on a crossroads, the mind fluctuates.

one cannot run, one cannot hide,
customary silences, a blessing in disguise.

what is love and what is life,
do we get the returns for the investment we desire?

carnal pleasures seem a thing of past,
someone to talk to, a protagonist’s desire.

jaded self, a weary mind,
where does he turn to, the clock is way past time.

love wrecked

28 Sunday Aug 2011

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse

≈ 6 Comments

“some things hit so hard to home that you’ve got to create some distance.”
these lines echoed over and over her head while she drove past his home.

It wasn’t easy for her being a successful woman in a country where the gods are female but the females are goods. Though she understood from some points there was simply no coming back. She knew that in this event, there could be no gradations. The zero cannot be the same zero after it became a one.

When you are searching for something so desperately, the worst that can happen is to get what you want right away. For her, love wasn’t a way for survival, it was the means of her being. But the quest for love is a long road, and when we arrive at it, the results can be a bit of a letdown. She wanted to feel that love exists because we insist on believing in it. But when you try to despise love, the love becomes a cruel, isolating vice pushing you into a shell, cutting the very wings on which you wish to fly away – from it.

He knew of the past when he put the proposal. For him, the past is not one’s to own, it is the past of the whole world. And he knew he had to let it out. For the best moment to talk about love is when you realize that love might be lost.

She listened to him peacefully and bid a hasty goodbye. We’ve known each other too long, she thought as she left, we can hurt each other with memories a decade old. He had always been there. And there is a difference between staying and coming back, and he had never left.

She knew the consequences. She left the place without a sign. She knew he will be heartbroken, but destruction has to be blind, You never see your victim in the eye.

Their story does not have an end. For an end requires closure. He had none, for he never found her again. How could she, when she died a Jane Doe in a mortuary the next street.

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