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~ an attempt at a frivolous escapade with words.

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Author Archives: daakusaxena

The one that got away

26 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse, bark!

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

charade, drama, dreams, love, relationships


People say that it will get better. People say that things will change. They promise a lot. They paint a rosy picture in your head.

They lie.

You can do it, you can have the empire, without realizing that it is of dirt. You can play with it for a while, make a palace out of sand. And when rain comes, watch it crumble, try to save it knowing that there is nothing you can do.

You can also remember all the moments you were a split second late, the decisions you took too long to take, the memories you couldn’t make. Nothing blows as a candle in the wind. Nothing stays like an amorphous anathema. When your victories are your own, why does it become so hard to accept defeat as your own wayward child- which you nurtured but somewhere, something went wrong?

What is it that makes you afraid? What is it that you’re haunted of? Are you so afraid of rejection that you have accepted it, getting along with your life like it matters not? For how long do you think that you can carry on this charade?

You cannot ever find the time to do all the nothing that you want. Go watch a movie, go listen to a song, sing a melody, try to be happy. Try to discover the heart that seems lost. Indulge it, again. Be prepared to get it broken. If it does, and in all probability, it will, start afresh.
Fall in love. Anything will do. As long as it serves an inspiration to the fear that it will go away, keeping you on your toes, alert, for the storms to come.

It will get better. Things, they will change. I promise you. Do cry, but when the tears dry, come to your senses, over the one that got away.

Yesterday (short story)

03 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse

≈ 3 Comments

“Some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was shame to lock them up does rejoice but the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone.”

He believes that it was Stephen King who said that. He is not sure, but then believes that what that is said is true. He had promised them both that if and whenever he will think of her, he will only think of all the good times they had. It is not that he isn’t reminded of them often, together. But when he does, he cannot think of anything else.

“Do you, really? Yes. Yes, I promise that I will never let go.”

When he said that, he meant the every single word. He never said much in front of her, her voice was the music to his ears. He liked to listen, whatever she said, it made him smile. He still smiles, but for every smile, a sense of loss still etches inside.

“I pray that you do not fall in love. When you dive in, you do it for life. And that is what it takes, the part which counts anyway.”

It is not that he doesn’t remember her. And when he does, there is no one to save the anguish. It is not that he hasn’t met anyone. But when he has, there is no one as such. It is not that he hasn’t tried to forget. But when he has, with all his might, he ends up worse than ever before. It is not that he hasn’t cried. But when he does, he fights to stop the tears that flow by.

People ask him if he is lonely. He says that he is alone, not lonely. There is a world of difference between the two. He makes them believe he falls on the former. He lies. To the crowd. To himself.

His story is poetic. He had a chance of life, he squandered it. He tried to rise from the ashes, but a part never healed. A part which still aches, a piece which never reappeared.

Indulgence helps. It clouds the feel. He likes being numb, he likes falling into the cocoon he has built for himself. His safehouse, his cell.

“You aren’t what you supposed to be. I can afford to lose you.” He thought he meant it when these words came out. The time in the night is dark because you can imagine your fears with less distraction. Ever since, he has been trying.

Seeing her always made him smile. Remembering her still does. It feels like a different life. He isn’t angry at her, but can never find peace with himself. He has looked for it, but could never find closure. He always knew the answer, but what is the point when the mind does not accept the answer to the simple question: “why?!”

Last Kiss

24 Monday Sep 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in jinxed rhymes

≈ 5 Comments

the self

“The heart gets broken just the once. The dream gets shattered just the once. The rest are just the fragments you stick together, to be tested again. To be broken again. To be shattered again. This is when you fail to realize the one. When you fail to believe that your Sun rises and sets with the one. And a moonless night, you are left alone to rue the pieces of what you used to own.”

One day,
Maybe you’ll love again.

One day,
Maybe you’ll feel again.

Why do you cry?
You still haven’t lost it all.
But the voice inside,
It haunts.

It curses, it yells,
It blames you for the mistakes you never made.
You drown yourself in whiskey to make it go away,
Killing yourself, your conscience,
Memories of yesterday.

One day,
Maybe you’ll live again.

One day,
Maybe you’ll dance again.

She was yours to own,
Yours to caress.
She was the sun,
The moon,
The flower which made you bloom.

You never want to, but you remember the kiss,
The parting goodbye, the tears on her cheek.
You think of her name and you question yourself

Can you ever love again?
Can you ever feel again?
Let alone dancing in the rain,
Can you ever live again?

silence of echoes

29 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in bark!, jinxed rhymes

≈ 2 Comments

ME?

i am the silent voice that haunts,
i am the sacred silence that daunts.

i am the the chill you feel,
i am the disease that makes you weak.

i am the failure you encounter,
i am the architect of your disasters.

i am the love you lost,
i am the kindle of your past.

i am the ghost that makes you afraid,
i am the fear that twists your brains.

i am the reason you never succeed,
i am the island you can never reach.

i am the pain you always feel,
i am the horror of your screams.

ME?
i am what resides inside you,
i am you,
your guilty conscience.

Wrong Turn

19 Sunday Aug 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in jinxed rhymes

≈ 6 Comments

wrong turn

There are some things you can never get,
There are some memories that return.
Bring a sad smile to your face,
You see, you yearn.
You fathom, what could have been.
If only, you could have avoided that one wrong turn.

You know you have moved on,
You realize,
That one dream is all but a lost cause.

Your heart still skips a beat once a while,
When inadvertently your subconscious remembers that smile,
You wonder if you had done enough,
If only, you could have avoided that one wrong turn.

You still cling to those memories,
You sometimes,
Suppress a tear silently threatening,
Etching to let loose by.

You wonder what happened to your rigid defenses,
It sometimes does get painful,
To return to your senses.

You live the moments again,
But you know that it’s different.
You look to what’s written on the wall,
If only, you could have avoided that one wrong turn.

It was worth it, wasn’t it?
You slowly do get used to the idea.
You think you never want to know,
What if, you could have avoided that one wrong turn?

trying understanding the understood

15 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in bark!, borrowed bark

≈ 5 Comments

We are the product of our desires and the manifestation of a never ending list of needs. The needs are implanted in our minds through advertisements and billboards, but in this life of constant running, do we really care as long as we get a hint of smile across our lips?
Everything blows. In the past, it all took a little longer, the Romans prolonged it for a long time, so did Greece, and we call it culture. Little do we understand that history is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices. The only difference is, in the current frame of things, the façade lasts all too shorter than it used to.
We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight. We live in an environment where beggars run for hours to get a morsel and dogs sleep with their stomach full. We see it all, we experience it all. And we move along saying that it is a materialistic world. Great stuff, that, but who is going to take the responsibility to clean it. The streets are dirtier than never before. And when every day I am promised that the dawn is coming, I get afraid. For I cannot see it.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, and there is a shine from where you stumble, but does anyone knows how long the tunnel stretches. I ask how many of us are willing to walk through without knowing what’s inside it? Without given the assurance that everything’s gonna be alright. Without given the insurance of a cover if something turns wrong.
What I am talking of here is a very simple thing. But you have to be a genius to understand its simplicity. I am not ranting of anarchy or disorder, I leave that to The Joker, but of looking beyond, breaking the shackles, breaking away for a while, just to experience a very basic thing, to finger ‘living’. What we have become an expert in is that we keep lecturing birds on how to fly. We watch them fly. And then we take credit for it.
There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Calvin said it. And the boy defines excellence. Can we again become the kid he is. Can we again be worried about a spaceship in another time dimension than getting sweaty about completing an assignment? Can we be again frightened about the monsters under our bed against crying out loud for a project completion deadline? Can we experience night and day, day and night, like we used to, in a different time, in an altogether different life.
And well, day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. They are happiness and sadness at the same time. The basis of you existence are determined by them. You yearn for one, are scared of the other. And the true worth of despair can only be understood when you are given the lure of hope. You realize that the joke was on you. All along.

P.S: I have taken some quotes from Lennon and Bill Watterson. They are integrated in here, like the wind to the seas.

Happy Birthday, India

15 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in borrowed bark

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

independence, india, politics, social media, the hindu

Today we show our national pride
through a profile picture

Sixty six years ago,
people were a little different

Today we support a cause by joining a page
They joined a march

We stand up for something through a status update
For them, it was a matter of status

We show our dissent by sharing a link
They formed a human chain

We spread awareness in less than 140 characters
Back then, a hundred and forty thousand took to the streets

We express our opinions from the comforts of our Wall
They did it from the confines of a cell

We raise an issue by standing in front of a camera
They stared down the barrel of a gun

We pledge support by sending an SMS
They sent someone from every family

So is it time for us to stop being passive observers
And start being active supporters?

Can we stop rallying from behind
And step up in front?

Let’s borrow a little spirit of independence from history
And take it into the future

Maybe then national pride will last longer than just one day.

Happy Independence Day

– THE HINDU (15th Aug, 2012)

the caped crusader, the broken hero.. the dark knight (a tribute to Nolan’s Batman)

30 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in attempted muse, jinxed rhymes

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bane, batman, caped crusader, nolan, the dark knight, the joker, two face

the dark knight

“you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain”

the shadow lingers long,
the legend lives on.
thrown to unforgiving history,
silence overshadows-
the sound of his cowl.

” No, *this* is your mask. Your real face is the one that criminals now fear. The man I loved – the man who vanished – he never came back at all. But maybe he’s still out there, somewhere. Maybe some day, when Gotham no longer needs Batman, I’ll see him again. “

love lost, love snatched,
as a kid, a prince, an orphan.
surrounded by darkness, a light remained,
sacrificing it all, he struggled to stand tall.

” When I told you that if Gotham no longer needed Batman we could be together, I meant it. But now I’m sure the day won’t come when *you* no longer need Batman.”

finding what he lost,
losing what he finally found.
the hero was broken,
the madman took it all.

“Madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push”

survived the battle,
took a million scars.
became a shadow of,
the shadow he was.

“When a forest grows too wild, a purging fire is inevitable and natural.”

never did expect,
always delivered and left.
trusted two face to work on the right,
but the world was black and so was the coin.

“The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming”

the dawn came, it lasted some years,
the city of crime, it thrived on fear.
the caped crusader was needed no more,
disappeared from the world, as did Bruce.

“I was wondering what would break first. Your spirit.. or your body”

left his face, the mask,
a recluse, a pariah.
came out after a decade,
to face a foe stronger in ever way.

“You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it.”

angry, hurt,
distrusting, unearthed.
took on his end with his bare hands.
left to rot,
left to die,
while his city burnt in ashes.

“How can you move faster than possible, fight longer than possible without the most powerful impulse of the spirit: the fear of death ? ”

realization dawns, he isn’t the same he was.
curtains fall, who can carry the symbol forward.
the world might never know who he really was,
but the world will always understand what he stood for.

“because he’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight. “

the caped crusader, a tribute . (poem- [in work])

27 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in jinxed rhymes

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

batman, caped crusader, joker, madman, scars, the dark knight

“you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain”

the shadow lingers long,
the legend lives on.
thrown to unforgiving history,
silence overshadows-
the sound of his cowl.

” No, *this* is your mask. Your real face is the one that criminals now fear. The man I loved – the man who vanished – he never came back at all. But maybe he’s still out there, somewhere. Maybe some day, when Gotham no longer needs Batman, I’ll see him again. “

finding what he lost,
losing what he finally found.
the hero was broken,
the madman took it all.

” When I told you that if Gotham no longer needed Batman we could be together, I meant it. But now I’m sure the day won’t come when *you* no longer need Batman.”

survived the battle,
took a million scars.
became a shadow of,
the shadow he was.

“You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it.”

angry, hurt,
distrusting, unearthed.
took on his end with his bare hands.
left to rot,
left to die,
while his city burnt in ashes.

“How can you move faster than possible, fight longer than possible without the most powerful impulse of the spirit: the fear of death ? ”

realization dawns, he isn’t the same he was.
curtains fall, who can carry the symbol forward.
the world might never know who he really was,
but the world will always understand what he stood for.

“because he’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight. “

Harbor

11 Wednesday Jul 2012

Posted by daakusaxena in bark!, jinxed rhymes

≈ Leave a comment

Dream

I dreamt a dream last night,
It reminded me of you.
I was happy as one could be,
Till I woke up without you.

It wasn’t possible,
I pondered for a while.
You were lying in here with me a moment earlier.
Now it’s me,
And my shallow insides.

Then I thought a little more,
Of what was it that brought me smile.
The dream is a reflection of the subconscious after all,
Was there a hope of something good rotting in the deep contours of my mind?

Does one really have time for happiness?
Does one really care if it’s the day or the night?
We have become so engaged in our own pile of crap,
Slumbering on a couch networking online is living life king size !

Whatever happened to the simple joys of life,
Whatever happened to having fun without being high.
I am trying to discover, to dare find a balance,
Till then, I will remember you my friend,
Who visited me one fine night,
And left without that cursed goodbye.

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